you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
