I am in a vortex of obligation.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
