And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize