she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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