everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
