Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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