I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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