And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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