I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
