just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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