you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
