I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
