My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize