I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
