Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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