The maid of honor just puked.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
