Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
