I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
