Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
