I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
