Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize