if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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