Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
