carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
