pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
