what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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