I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
