oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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