I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize