I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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