There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
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