opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
