dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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