I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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