I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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