Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i believe in u and ur pee
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
