I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
