i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
