on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
