4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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