Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
