They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize