You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
