One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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