when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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