There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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