I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
