to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
