The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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