How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
