I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
