i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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