so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize