I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
