Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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