We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
