i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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