guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
