youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just google imaged poop.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
