Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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