i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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